I didn’t want it to happen again.
No, please, not again.
But at this stage
It’s almost inevitable.
The fist plunges,
The fingers uncurl and stretch,
But the grip has slipped already.
Male voices sing
In 5 part close harmony
Of cacti and angels,
Their words slick auf Deutsch
As I imagine I can feel
The ever faster beating
Of your heart
Through the leg of your jeans and the
Few inches of warm air between our knees.
Take out the bag of oft-worn clown makeup.
Draw a smile on my bald downturned head.
Stamp your foot in the dust and howl.
I’m in the dark again
But for the faint light
of the stars.
It always seems so
Easy at first.
Just tip forward into heartache
Like falling off a chair
Or the bike you thought you
knew how to ride.
A distinct lack of training wheels on this occasion.
If you feed me orange porcelain rose petals
I will close my eyes and listen to
the rain on the window pain.
I will remove cat hairs from the
Peripheries of my mind
And the corners of your downturned smile.
I might read poetry in hushed tones,
Your head in my lap.
If you agree
To hold my hand in the dark
I will try my best to
Never doubt you
And to keep all your brightly coloured matchsticks
To never lose your
Loveless green eyes.
Oh how I hope you care.
When darkness encroaches
And chaos and panic beckon
With long white fingers,
That is when I take up my pen
And lay thought upon word,
And word in book,
And book on heart.
These brief flashes
Of a light so pallid and grey
Die in the laugh tracks
Of a normalised life.
They aren’t who I am,
But they can begin to tell
Of who I long to be
Or who I dread to become.
It has been many moons
Since love has tread
In the halls of my heart.
The tapestries on the walls
threadbare and muted.
The forgotten corpses of furniture
Shrouded in white,
Still as the dead.
The hearthstone lies cold and unused.
The dust is piled up like snow
In the deep of winter
Heaped in the corners and doorways.
The emptiness of the place
Hangs heavy in the air.
Stale and tired.
It would appear
A single window shutter has been opened.
The fragile morning light bleeds in.
And perhaps it might be possible
To make out the shape
Of a footprint or two
In the grime.
And it could be
That if you stood for a while
In the now-open doorway
You might even catch the faintest aroma
Of freshly picked lavender
And the earliest murmurs
Of a long awaited homecoming.
These long, hot middle eastern nights
Are killing me.
I lie awake imagining
The smell of lemons
And those odd squashed figs
That you gave to my mother.
And thoughts turn greyer
Like irish summer skies over Glenteenassig
And everything becomes bitterer sweet.
This throbbing isn’t just between my ears.
It’s deep in my chest.
And it rises up my throat
With each encroaching minute.
The low slope of your nose
Is still in my minds eye.
You always seemed so unjustly guilty.
And all these words can’t be helping.
Instead let me be brief:
It would be nice if the idea of you
Would let me sleep.
There’s a limit
To how much useful music you can make,
To how much tension you may instill,
To how much damage any one person deserves.
There is a limit to how much
Will soak into the pillow cases,
Into the sheets on her bed
Or the tips of your agitated hands
Or the soles of her yellow harried feet.
There is a point at which the night gives way
To a grey and rainsoaked morning.
And when you hit that wall,
When you reach that bluff,
That endless, precipiced edge,
Breath a sigh of relief and close your eyes.
Don’t be afraid to fall.
Perched on the edge of the sky,
The distance stretches out and distorts.
A rich purple,
A deep navy blue,
The blackest expanse above.
My head is heavy with you.
How the scarlet shall effect.
Your constellations are reduced.
Can I still trace them with the tips of my fingers? Will I still know my way?
How will I get you to reveal those teeth?
Mirrored by beautiful white cliffs perhaps?
Moher or less.
Below the cities of men stretch out
Gold and glittering
Like an expanse of gold chains.
I would scoop up a few if I could.
Take them home to you.
But more chains is the last thing you need.
You have enough of your own making.
These next few days will go slow.
Of that I am sure.